Because of her

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Growing up, I was raised in a traditional Latino household. My mother, a devout Pentecostal Christian. We went to church sometimes 5-6 times a week. I knew nothing else, outside the church. My family was/is dysfunctional but my mother loved me unconditionally through our trouble filled times. It was around the age of 11 or 12 when I started to really notice that I felt differently then my friends around me. One of my best friends growing up became my first true crush. She was so nice and sweet and I remember always wanting to be around her. I buried my feelings deep down because I knew what I was feeling on the inside would not be accepted if I were to ever let it surface. Throughout my adolescents, I had quite a few experiences with other girls, always in secret because by then my mother had made it clear that being gay was not something that anyone in my family was going to support.

All that changed though, the moment I saw her. The day I met my girlfriend, I felt my ENTIRE universe shift. She was this cool girl with a shaved head and black nails. Her septum pierced and her Marty McFly hat, brighter than anything I’d ever seen. Her laugh, contagious. So incredibly loud, it took some getting used to if we’re being honest. Every secret feeling I’d ever have until that moment became a thing of the past. I just wanted to be next to her. Our friendship evolved, but as soon as it became more than that I straight panicked. I remember telling her that I would never come out to my family. That I would never come out to my kids and if she was ok with that, then she could stick around. Thankfully, she loved me through my doubts and fears. As time went on, my heart would ache whenever thoughts of her and I no longer being together crossed my mind. My heart begged for her presence whenever she wasn’t around.

So we did what every good lesbian couple does, we moved in together! My mind and my heart slowly changed, I felt guilty about closeting her again. I felt guilty about not showing her off to the world as my girl. I felt guilty of not being proud of us and the love we had for each other. So, I came out. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, but as soon as I was honest with my family I noticed that the scary storm cloud that had followed me for so long slowly started to disappear. It took time, but they seem to be coming around. The love that we have for our kids and for each other is so hard to turn away from that when they see us together they know what we have is real. How could you say no to that? The only thing I regret, is not doing it sooner.