I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania where it was very difficult to be myself. I’ve known that I was gay for many many years, but it was just easier to go with the flow and to try to be accepted in my small town and I was very shy and made fun of a lot when I was a kid, so there’s no way I would risk everything because of fear of making things worse. As I got older I started to gain more friends because I was in the Drumline and I played soccer and I was able to not be such an outcast and I was looked at as more of a person who got along with pretty much anyone. I didn’t have a ton of close friends, but I got along just fine.
I ended up being friends with a guy named Adam and he was cool where he was from about 15 minutes away. Him and I we’re only supposed to be best friends but because of the way that everything worked out, we ended up getting together. I do love the guy, but him and I have always known the truth about me that I needed to come out. But we went through with what we thought was right at the time for reasons it’s very hard for me to explain. We ended up getting married and that’s how I moved to Knoxville. Things were never right especially in the bedroom because I needed to be with a woman. Sorry for TMI?
I ended up always wanting to do things that were not right such as go out with the girls to the club and I didn’t dance because I’m still so shy, but I just felt better being around all the lesbians and I finally got the courage to come out when I met a woman here in Knoxville. She and I connected from the very second that our eyes locked. She didn’t know it at the time, but I had decided I wanted to have a child so I figured out a way to relax enough to where I could let that happen. As embarrassing as that is to say. So this chick and I hit it off really well but I was still married and at the time, pregnant. how difficult is that to tell someone you’re really into you that you’re married and you can’t do anything with them and hey by the way I’m pregnant? So I ended up asking Adam for permission to kiss her and he said yes. When it happened I just felt right. I’ve kissed girls in the past before Adam, but it was just at parties or at Goofy things we did when we were in high school and middle school. I don’t want to tell the whole story, but she ended up being not the person I thought she was, however she did help me come out and be me.
The second that I told Adam how I felt it was almost as if all the anger in the world was lifted off my shoulders and I was me finally period for the first time in my life I felt right… Good… And my anxiety was gone. Long story longer, with lots of things in between, I ended up divorcing Adam and him and I are the best of friends to this day. We co-parent together along with his new wife, and I have the coolest little boo in the world. I’ve dated a few ladies since that incident and I had to let one go because of that first woman I told you about, and hope to one day get her back again. Anyway, it’s not as hard these days when I meet someone to explain to them that they need to be them self and to help anyone who feels that they’re going to be judged or made fun of or treated badly because of who they are, is something that I strive to help people with these days. I use your hashtag a lot on my Instagram and Facebook posts. They always say #living #mybestlife with #babyz
Everybody who knew me before I had my child was very surprised that I love being a mom as much as I do. I would always see people and say oh my gosh you’re pregnant, I’m sorry. But now I strive to show my daughter how incredibly beautiful she is and I I want to show her that no matter who she is she will be loved and she will have support around her regardless of her choices. That she can be who she wants to be and achieve whatever goals she wants to achieve in life. I want her to always be living her best life and I want to stand beside her through the entire thing. I’ve been teaching her squats and push-ups and burpees since she was way too little to even understand what I was saying. I’m constantly dancing with her and showing her that she doesn’t have to be afraid to do anything in life. I want to show her that she can brighten the room when she walks in it and maybe someone who needs a smile, she’ll be able to give one to.
I didn’t quite explain everything the best, and I don’t know if you guys actually read these or not, but if you do and you have any questions I’m more than happy to answer them. I already have one of your shirts. And I have three things in my cart right now that I and debating on ordering tonight or waiting. I have the list shirt that has everything crossed out except for human. I get so many good compliments on it, and being in the South, I get some angry people who make snide comments behind my back in grocery stores. But I just show everyone kindness the best I can and hope that a little bit of it sinks into them somehow.
Story submitted by Brandi