I grew up in the Jewish community. Growing up, I thought I needed to be exactly like everyone else around me to be accepted in the community. When I wasn’t, the other kids looked at me weird. My personality and thoughts on how to express myself were much different than others around me.
I played sports, sang, played music, rarely wore dresses, and liked hanging out with guys, but never dated them. I didn’t understand why my friends would talk about how cute guys were and I didn’t care as much as them. I was bullied through elementary and part of middle school.
By the time high school came I had a better understanding that it was okay to be more yourself. What started happening was who I wanted to be and who I was expected to be clashed violently inside of me. I had crushes on other girls and had to deal with what that meant. Girls I tried to be friends with treated me differently once they knew I was gay and were not always very nice. I withdrew within myself, started using drugs, and drinking more.
I had my first girlfriend, but didn’t realize what a healthy relationship looked like. People told me they didn’t want me around them and others because I was gay. I started to cut and started plotting suicide. When I started to take more pills I realized at the same time, this is not who I am or want to be. I wanted to be better.
Shortly after that, I found another soul who loved me for my good, my bad, and helped me grow.
For anyone who is having a hard time I say this. Acceptance of yourself and your differences from other people is the top priority. If the group of people that surrounds you don’t accept you for how you are, find different people. You do NOT have to change who you are to make others more comfortable. Unless you are a jerk. Don’t be a jerk.
I love you all you amazing humans. Love and Light.