Ashes Rising

Much like a string of old Christmas lights that were tangled from the year before, my thoughts were very twisted, but I could manipulate them enough to bring light to others around me. I never had the ability to bring light to myself.

Up until 3 years ago, I walked around feeling like a hollow shell that yearned to find answers in those people around me. Why do I feel empty? Why don’t I feel complete? Why do I wander around feeling like I’ll never find a home?

It took a lot of self-exploration, a plethora of tears, endless prayers, and one hell of a shield for me to combat my biggest fear, myself. I spent a lot of time allowing my soul to run outside of the body that I’ve been blessed with and explore in all the wrong places. Every time my soul would come back for a visit, I would turn it away and tell it to keep looking because the answers it found were answers I wanted to keep hiding from.

I learned that the one thing that was missing was acceptance. I lacked all ability to love myself due to fear of what those around me would say. The one thing that I thought would be my greatest weakness turned out to be the part of me that I needed to become the strongest version of myself that I could be.

3 years ago, I came out to my family and in that moment I had never felt more complete. Today, I cradle my soul and with the most caring and gentle tone I whisper, “Welcome Home.” ️