Fighting the Darkness. Living Truth.

As a kid I was always the one who didn’t want to play with dolls or wear a dress. I preferred to play with toy cars and wear elastic band shorts. My sisters would say I am a tomboy… because what else would explain this?

Wait, that’s right… I’m gay. Most of my life I was searching for love in the wrong places.

Eventually, when I got to high school, I knew internally I was into girls. I continued to try to fight it and hide it from the world. My “relationship” at the time was a secret. Which meant my life was a secret. I as a human was a secret. This secret of mine became a giant burden, a weight I had to carry. Keeping this secret to myself while I had a family and friends on my side made me feel more and more lonely. This loneliness started to consume me. It became darkness that I fought day and night.

This darkness is depression…

I went through depression and anxiety because I was not living my truth. I felt lonelier than ever because of this fear I had about coming out and how things would change. I feared people finding out my truth. I spent four years in this darkness trying to hide the truth and cover it up with lies and boyfriends.

Then I went off to college. I left my hometown, my family, and friends. I decided I was going to start fresh… My fresh start was me being ME. My first year of college I came out to my parents. “I’m gay” was by far the hardest thing to ever say. My parents didn’t react well which made it 100 times harder on me. But, I continued to be myself, love who I wanted, and most importantly love who I am.

Now I am out to everyone. I have a loving girlfriend who comes from a loving family. My family came around to me being gay and they love my girlfriend. My friends and family accept me and are happy for me.