I don’t share this often, but I was very depressed in high school, which was ultimately the result of two things.The first being that I got picked on A LOT. I was the girl that boys would tease and make fun of because I ALWAYS reacted. I always gave them the reaction they wanted. I couldn’t just ignore their rude and annoying comments; I just always got mad or upset. I made it so my emotions were written straight across my forehead for everyone to see. This led to mean girls taking advantage of me. I got bullied by girls who knew my deepest and darkest secrets, which they would use against me in the end. They used my sensitivity against me as well and made me feel bad for how I was feeling. They would tell me they couldn’t handle the person I was and that I needed to change. It was always me in the wrong. It was ALWAYS me and ONLY me who made our friendship fail. It was always my FAULT. I got told I was the bad friend, even though it was these girls who were talking about me behind my back, spreading rumors about me, telling people not to be friends with me, and telling me to my face that I was too much. It was the same girls who thought it was okay to vandalize my house. The bullying I encountered definitely put a toll on my mental health. The trauma I went through distanced me from my truth, as if my truth was taken away and written by others. I didn’t fully understand myself without the hurt. My truth was centered around me being an awful person when I was just a fraction of the story. This is ultimately why I went into therapy. I needed to learn how to flip the script. I needed to learn how to be honest. Honest with myself, honest with others, and honest with the world.
In my high school therapy sessions, I learned that while I had my fair share of bad friend moments, I also did NOT deserve to be treated the way I did. I deserved to be treated with respect and dignity. I deserved to be treated with love. No one deserves to be treated as if they are unworthy or unwanted. I learned that I deserved so much more than what my so-called friends were providing.Once I got to college, I began to dive deep into what it means to be honest with yourself. Once I was able to distance myself from my past trauma, I was able to focus on who I was and who I wanted to be. I began to discover the type of person I am. I became aware of all the characteristics that make me me. This led beautifully into my next chapter of my story of finding MINDFULNESS, the concept that taught me a new meaning of love. Mindfulness taught me how to be present. It taught me to slow down and acknowledge what is happening inside and outside my body. Mindfulness taught me to be honest by letting things be how they naturally are. It taught me to find the ultimate truth, the truth that sets you free. The truth that is free of judgement and emotional attachment. Being honest opened up a whole new world for me, a world of love. It was scary at first to embrace everything and feel into every detail, but it turned into this beautiful art piece. Through honesty, I found power in vulnerability. It is through vulnerability that people connect. It is vulnerability that shows love’s true colors. This is why honesty is so important to me because it has opened my heart to all the wonder in myself, my dreams, my aspirations, the people around me, and the world as a whole.
Being honest is scary, without a doubt, but it is also so worth it. It may burn or sting at first, but that just means it’s working. Honesty and vulnerability create a ripple effect, where the more honest you are, the more your truth will shine. The more your truth shines, the more people are attracted to it. The more people being attracted to your truth leads to others opening up and telling their truth. Truth is what sets us free, because it is the foundation of what love is, freedom.