Dangerously Close

In Stay;, Stories by StoriesLeave a Comment

I’ve been dangerously close to ending my own life many times, closer than most realize. I’m a gay single parent of a disabled child, I’ve had challenges with my mental health (PTSD & C-PTSD, BPD, self harm, anxiety, depression) and addiction. I was trapped in a job I hated for over 20 years. I believed my child would be better off without me. I sought treatment for my mental health and my addiction. Last year I took a big deep breath after a completely hopeless hysterical episode and I took a huge leap, I did things that scared the hell out of me and for the first time I believed in myself. On Wednesday, September 5th I will be 12 years sober, I will celebrate 1 year at a new job that I love, where I’m supported. On Wednesday I will take my beautiful 18yo daughter to start her post high school adventures and we will start another new chapter together, her and I. I will be there because through all the years of crippling fear and illness I found a second wind. I never believed “it gets better”, I scoffed and rolled my eyes. But today I’d sincerely tell anyone that felt their life wasn’t worth living, “don’t go, it really does get better, you’ll get there”. I’m still working hard on me, and some days aren’t so good, but those are much fewer and farther between than ever before. Stay, don’t go, see what happens.

Story submitted by Christi