human behind the post
“Don’t be so scary when you’re scared”Brene Brown
I remember being on the phone with Bree back in October. She had just launched Only Human and knew what I had been going through with my Dad being sick. She invited me in to write about what I was going through and told me it was an open invite.
60 days later and that conversation still hadn’t left my mind.
Ya see, right before I talked to Bree, my best friend died. Then shortly after, my Dad died of cancer.
I just couldn’t imagine being able to write about how I keep up with my health while I was over here eating pumpkin rolls and drinking coffee all day, everyday. Water? What’s that.
I’ve been drawn to write this piece. The problem? Every time I sit down to write it and tell whoever is reading these words “How to Grieve and Grind” I write a bunch of crap that isn’t going to be helpful to you.
I felt like I was doing the opposite of grinding.
Why didn’t Bree ask me to write that? I could write “How to Grieve and be a Hot Mess”. In all facets of life.
People would ask me to go out and “have fun”. I’d smile politely and come up with some bullshit reason why I couldn’t.
I have a dog.
I have a lot of cleaning to do.
I’m just really busy… all weekend, and the next and yes… the next too.
I don’t want to go out.
I don’t want to leave my house because I’d rather be alone right now. And no, I don’t know how long “right now” is going to be.
If I see them, that means they will give me that look. You know the one, the “I feel bad because I have no idea what to say to you because death is always a difficult uncomfortable topic, so I’m gonna make this really awkward”, look.
I’m also not in my normal miss-positive-happy-go-lucky-sunny-buns state of mind so I don’t make that person feel comfortable about it either.
So now we are both standing there like awkward turtles that are flipped over on their shell. See why I should’ve just stayed at home?
When my dad was sick and in the hospital my diet consisted of pumpkin rolls, cookies, apple pies and coffee.
I’m a stress eater.
I love to eat.
I love sweets and pizza.
The only reason I’m not a 200 pounder is because I would lose my job due to excessive weight gain (Job of choice: exercise rider – horses shouldn’t carry a lot of weight so I better not eat myself out of a job haha). I didn’t work out during the two months that my dad was sick and in the hospital. I didn’t eat healthy and honestly, I didn’t care.
Two weeks ago I started to eat really well and I went to the gym every day.
Just shy of 60 days later my mind is a little clearer and I’m starting to feel like myself again.
If I can give you anything today it will be this:
Take each day as it comes.
One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.
I like to relate life in terms of horse talk AKA horse lessons. Sometimes when you get on a horse that’s silly, or crazy you have to ride them. That might sound like the obvious thing to do but what I’m saying is when the horse goes to bucking the best thing to do is to keep them moving forward, go with each buck and eventually they will stop. Or worst case scenario, you fall off, in which case you have to get back on and do better next time.
When you’re going through the hardest thing that you’ve ever gone through and you feel like the sadness will never go away, I’m here to tell you that it will.
You have to accept that you are sad. Then you have to allow yourself to feel the sadness rather than have inner battles with it.
Save yourself the trouble of fighting your feelings. Simply allow them to happen and accept them when they do. Same goes to when you’re feeling happy. Enjoy those moments and allow yourself to feel happy and don’t feel guilty that you’re feeling happy.
It’s okay to be sad.
It’s okay to be heartbroken.
But you have to continue to move forward.
Moving forward is better than being stuck, or worse, going backwards.
Moving forward is key.
Those two words have been my saving grace. I just started a vision board last week. That’s been the best way for me to move forward. On my vision board, I have deadlines. I am a procrastinator. The best way to get a procrastinator to do something is to give them a deadline. They’ll get it done just in the nick of time. Typical. Hence, why I’m writing this right now. It was on my board. I have a deadline to make.
Move forward Sunny Bayne.
Hold on Sunny Bayne.
You got this Sunny Bayne.
I can’t blow off the stuff on my vision board and my daily tasks because I’m not allowed to workout until I do so. Meaning, I’ve made one of my favorite things to do a reward. Humans are just like animals. We will do anything for a treat. I’m being a good little human right now *pats back*.
I digress. If you’re still reading about How to Grieve and Grind then you and I have a similar journey. Here’s the last of what I need to say to you. From one grieving human to another that loves the grind and the hustle. When you are grieving surround yourself with stressLESS people. Surround yourself with loving, understanding people. On the flip side be alone as much as you need to be. Laugh, a lot. Until your ribs hurt. Cry, a lot. Until you run out of tears and toilet paper. Sing your favorite song over and over. Make the environment that you live in clean and well kept. This will allow you to relax when you are home. I mean…really relax, like that internal, my mind can stop for a minute, relaxing.
If you are around negative energy while you are trying to grieve and self-heal then get AWAY FROM IT. It’s that simple. Life is a series of choices. The beauty? You always have one. Be patient with yourself and the universe. Everything else will fall into place. You will get back to grinding, you will get back to the hustle. As Shaun T always says, “You got to Trust and you got to Believe in the journey.”
I have accepted my dad’s death, but I will never be okay with it. I will never stop missing him. I will never forget his lessons and I will always cry over him. That’s part of it. Here’s how I feel slightly better about my dad’s death: I honor his life by telling his stories that he told me and lessons that he taught me. It helps to talk about him. A lot.
I read that acceptance is the last stage of grieving. Maybe that’s why I’m able to write this now. Maybe it’s because I feel him with me at random times and an overwhelming sense of peace runs through me and I feel happy again.
You got this.
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