I am not my past

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Hello, my name is Tyne. My entire life has been filled with looks of pity and sorrys. When I was 20 months old, my father passed away from leukemia that he had since I was born. Shortly after that, my mother won a case they’d been working for years on to adopt 3 children from foster care. So, with 4 biological children and another 3 adopted, she married the first man who would because she needed the help. He turned out to be abusive, physically toward my sister and psychologically toward my mother. She divorced him and a few years later, married and had children with another man. Making us a family of 10 girls, my mother and stepfather. My stepfather worked a lot and my mother became bedridden from Lyme disease and fibro when I was 7 years old, so my grandparents did most of my raising, calling me fat, saying I wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t strong enough, and that I’d never amount to anything. 6 years later, my grandfather died and my grandmother my Alzheimer’s so I was essentially on my own. My older sister’s had moved out or didn’t want anything to do with me and my little sisters were too young to help me in anyway.

So I tried to make friends at school, but a bully had me convinced that everyone just pretended to be my friend because of my past, that no one actually cared about me because I was fat, ugly, stupid, or whatever word she decided to throw at me that day. 2 years of hearing it every day and I attempted suicide using my mother pain pills. It failed clearly, which started the idea that I was meant for more, even if no one else saw it. So, I started changing. I used running and exercise as an outlet for the depressive thoughts before, but instead used it as a way to work on loving myself for the next 4 years. Then came time for looking into what I wanted after school, I got into my dream college only to be informed I was getting no financial support because my stepfather who abandoned our family made too much money, however he informed me he will never help me because I was not his child.

So I tried military, only to have a new medical condition to pop up where I pass out if I became too stressed, closing those dreams. So I got a job, where I was verbally harassed for various things, however I was made to believe by the other waitresses that there was nothing I could do, they’re men, they’re gonna say whatever they want and I should learn to block it out.

I eventually left, I got a job as an assistant teacher for toddlers, helping to shape and form the mind of the next generation, I am working on getting a NASM certificate so I can help people reach their goals and eventually save up to go to my dream college. I have better friends who have helped me rebuild my self image despite it being brought down so low and who understand the journey I am on and my love of helping others. It took a lot of tears to get here and a lot of people I’ve lost, but I am still pushing and working toward a brighter, better future for myself and those around me.