Have you ever felt INVISIBLE? Like your words had no worth, so you just stopped talking.
That was me and this is my story - INVISIBLE to WORTHY
Growing up whenever I would speak it seemed like I would be asked to repeat myself or no one would pay attention to what I said. It felt to me like I was invisible. People would look right through me. I had no idea how much this fear would change my life. I let it control my life and it took a happy, joyous little girl and turned her into someone that had a deep emotion of unworthiness. No matter what I did, where I went. I would never be good enough.
After years of having to do this my insecurity of speaking or talking grew immensely. I felt so INVISIBLE. I stopped talking and withdrew from everyone. The only thing I continued was to play soccer. Soccer was my saving grace in high school. Even though I excelled in Soccer, I wondered if others around me would even see me if I didn’t excel. I had no self esteem, no self love and no respect for myself. Deep down I hated that I had no voice. I cried myself to sleep every night. This time in my life created someone that had very tall walls up. No one knew who I really was, most times I didn't even recognize me. It took years to even make a dent in these walls. It impacted every part of my life for a good 10 years.
At a very pivotal time in my life I met someone whom I admired very much. At the time it didn’t really sink in what this moment would mean to me in the future. Looking back now I can see that It taught me how powerful slowing down and taking time to talk to someone no matter who they are can be. In that moment I felt seen for the first time in a very long time. I felt WORTHY. This person has no idea the impact they’ve had on my life but that act of kindness that day shaped me. You were the first person to hold space for me. Thank you Abby.
It's still a struggle at times, as the fear debilitated me in every aspect of my life. Little by little I am opening up and taking steps towards being vulnerable. I may always have to force myself to speak up and my voice may shake But I know now that I am WORTHY of everything I desire.
No one owns that but me.
It took a long time and some really good humans to stand by me to realize that but they never gave up on me. Instead of trying to force me out they held space for me and walk with me through it.
I AM WORTHY AND SO ARE YOU!
❤️ Mandi VanKeuren, Lead Advocate in Michigan
PS: Some amazing resources that helped me:
-Only Human (immersing myself in community)
-Allowing other Humans to hold space for you and to know that its okay to need and want that space
-Better Help (talking to someone removed from your situation to work through all the feelings)
-Write out/ imagine what a perfect day would look like for you (this changed a lot for me. It pushed me to see these things for myself for the first time ever)