By: Brooke Fine
Growing up I always thought I had everything planned out. The perfect career I wanted to pursue, body I wanted, partner I could always love, house, car, etc. In my younger years, I just knew it would all work out the way I wanted it all to go, but the older I got the more I saw things fall apart and turn in the opposite direction than what I had planned and that terrified me more than anything. I believe that was the point I got down on myself and let everything I had every dreamed of fade away from my grasp.
I became a distant person to everyone, I gave up on my fitness journey, and most of all I gave up on myself and my faith. I began drinking really heavily, and at first it did an amazing job at hiding my pain and struggles I was enduring; but not long after that began to wear off. So there I was once again feeling everything I didn’t want to feel anymore, being only a teen (young and dumb I was) I began experimenting with things I grew up hating and knew was wrong (have grown up in a blue bleeding family, my dad a police officer.)
It’s not until one is that low that one would understand just how bad one would want to feel “normal” and worth something.
For a couple of years after I was a “wild child” my parents had kicked me out (which they had every right too). I was jumping from “friends” houses just to have a little something over my head at night and as for food; I never ate much, if anything at all some days.
I let the devil and my darkness get the best of me.
That darkness nearly killed me more times than I can count, by the grace of God it didn’t. It wasn’t until the last overdose did I realize just how much extra pain I had added onto my disease; but not only did it affect me, it hurt everyone around me who cared and loved me.
I had never been so overwhelmed in my life after that; I had given up on the police academy, gave up my fitness journey, my family, most important I had given up on myself. Not long after I committed suicide, I hated seeing myself hurt, my family and loved was hurt; I thought it was the answer to the problems around me. I woke up in a hospital with my mom by my side; I woke up. That question still haunts me still to this day, why did I wake up?!
Flash forward to me now; I wish I knew then what I know now at 23 years old compared to back when I was just a young adult.
I hear people question the quote “Everyone at least once in their life will have something click, and it won’t make any since, but it changes you forever”
I can honestly testify that “click” is unbelievable! I use to be one of those people who questioned that quote; “how can something just click and change a person?” Now, the only question I have in life is “who will be the next person I can help?”
I don’t know why I woke up in that hospital bed that day, but I’ve never had more faith than I do now. I’m redeemed. Each day I praise God for giving me the chance to help as many people as I can and seeing other people smile during a darkness makes my heart beat forever more. I have made new goals in life, and as for my fitness, my body is healthier than ever and with each sunrise I push myself a little more. The scars on my stomach will forever remind me that I am only human and my past doesn’t define who I am today.
Life is hard, and does not come with an instruction manual. I think that is what’s so beautiful about us as humans, we grow stronger because of our hurt and pain. When life gets you down and you feel like you cannot go any longer, just remember how far you’ve come; you are worth so much and YOU ALL MATTER!!!!
We are only human, but we are all capable of greatness, lets all give and get help. Don’t forget to smile on this journey called life.