Shocked, not shocked

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I loved my adolescence years being everyone’s friend. I hung out with the “cool” girls, the jocks, the artsy people. I never classified myself in elementary school or high school as I always felt that I never really fit in anywhere. In grade school we always said oh she is gonna be gay, oh he’s super femme, but I never really looked into myself and my own life style. I always wanted to hangout with my girlfriends and never had my care for seeing their boyfriends or having a boyfriend. It wasn’t until I was in high school did I start to look at my life and wonder if I was following the path that made me happy. In grade 9 I started cutting my hair shorter and shorter. I played high level field hockey and all my friends were older than me. In grade 11 I went to a tournament and that was when I was first introduced to the lesbian culture. It made me thrive, it gave my life a meaning that I had searched for, for many years.

And I met a girl…. for the sake of this story we will call her Jen. She flirted with me and from that moment on I knew I was joking myself by having a boyfriend. A boyfriend that I never saw, that travelled for field hockey opposite weekends I did, a boy I can now look back on see that I strung him along to “fit” in. I took a very close friend to my grade 12 grad. A boy… he was the best and had and has always had my back. A week after grad I pulled him aside at a party and told him that I was a lesbian and that I had been lying to myself for many years but that I was finally ready to come out. He was nothing but supportive of me.

The day came that I would tell me mom…we went out for supper at a local restaurant where my brother works as a general manager. As my mom and I sit across the table from one another you could tell that something needed to be said. I looked at my mom and said, “mom I need to tell you something…” she oh so supportively looked back at me and said “yup, what is it?” I knew at this moment my mom knew what I was about to say. So I said it, “mom, I have thought long and hard on this day and I need you to know…..” then my brother comes to the table to check on us and I shout out “let you know that the wings here are my favourite!”

I instantly thought, who cares if he knows.… he leaves and my mom looks at me,  “go on and say what you were meaning to,” so I tell her hat I had fallen in love with someone and I’m done hiding it. And that I like women. She looks at me… a little snicker comes over her and she says “ ME TOO!!!!!” We both start historically laughing. You see, when my mom and dad split up my mom was befriended my a sports coach of mine who knew my mom would have a hard time getting her feet under her and from that friend ship stemmed an amazing relationship. To which is still blooming today and that was 17 years ago. My mom is my hero and she is a huge part of me coming out and being able to stand with pride. My story is a bit different to some but I’d never change the comfort I had in that moment! Happy national coming out day!!!