I have lots of stories where I had regained hope and they are all close to me, but this one is the reason why I’m still breathing today. I’ve battled depression for more than half of my life and have also fight an eating disorder along side. I grew up with a mom as a licensed therapist and a sister as well, who was licensed. So… mental health was basically the core of our family. We are all huge advocates and we know how important ones mental health is in this this thing we call life. About 3 years ago I had fallen into my depression pretty deeply which lead to my relapse into my eating disorder. Those two combined are the closest thing to the devil I’ve ever experienced. My depression had consumed so much of my mental state that I was more ready to be permanently asleep than I’ve ever felt. I started becoming reckless with a lot of things in my life: drinking, eating, medications, etc. I became very angry with myself and with my God that I started turning on those closest to me and pushing everyone who cared for me, away. I didn’t want anyone to feel close to me when I decided to leave this world.
A few weeks had passed and I had come to terms with my want with life. Or so it was a want my mental illness wanted. I felt so defeated and yet so calm at the same time. I wrote my mom a goodbye letter. I apologized to her for putting her through this and to please forgive me. At the very end of my letter I asked her to please give each and every one of my nieces and nephews little letters I had written them. One night, I had read my letter out loud and when I closed my eyes the very first thing I saw were my nieces and nephews at my funeral. After seeing that image in my head I made a promise to myself I would never put my babies through something like that. I made THEM my purpose and my HOPE for this life. They became my new light. If I couldn’t choose to stay for myself, then I chose to STAY for them…
This last year I’ve been able to make myself the reason to stay. I deserve to be happy and to live my life to the very fullest. I have my beautiful girlfriend who supports me and pushes me to my full advantage and who sees my beauty. I have my family who never gives up. I have myself. This life is beautiful and I am so damn happy I stayed. I’m so damn happy I found a new hope in the world.
If you’re reading this, just know that every tunnel has a light. There IS hope and there ARE new roads. Please stay. Please know you’re loved. ❤️
Story Submitted by Teah M