Twin Vibes

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My coming out story is, in a word, ridiculous. I was a sophomore in college in Florida and my girlfriend at the time was in Maryland. She came down to visit me over break and we had only been together for about 2 months. I was feeling the pressure of wanting to come out to certain people but as I was attending a Methodist based college, I kind of just bottled it all up until it got to that point where I was like “I have to tell my parents.”  I’ve never been great at talking about my feelings. When I get “stuck,” I write them out. I started addressing an e-mail to my dad and proceeded to write what would be the equivalent of about 6 pages saying everything. That I was gay, that I had a girlfriend, that my parents did nothing wrong (though I now know that’s never a thing), that I felt like my mom was slightly homophobic but I understand she was probably just scared, that I had struggled with this for years etc.

It was about 2am at this point and I was exhausted from crying and spilling all the feelings. I had no intention of sending it. I went to hit “delete” and I somehow hit “send”. I then went downstairs to my best friends room, someone who was studying to be a minister, knocked on her door and immediately after she opened it, I said words I never thought I’d say…”Please pray with me.” She held me while I cried, stayed up all night with me and we talked. Now it’s morning and I’m FREAKING OUT. I received a call later that night from my mom. Just seeing her name on the screen resulted in me having a huge panic attack, but I answered any way:

Mom: “Hey baby girl!”
Me: “Uh hi”
Mom: “How are you?!”
Me: “I’m…fine..”
Mom: “Yeah we just got back home to Florida, we’ve been driving all day.”
Me: Ohhhh!” (realizing that’s why they didn’t respond to my email)
Mom: “You ok? You sound strange.”
Me: “Uh, yeah, I uh ummm…”
Mom: “What’s wrong?”
Me: “Uhhhh [inner me = don’t do it, Lyndsay!] yeah I’m uh….Did dad get an e-mail by chance?”
Mom: “Oh, I don’t know! (mom shouting in the background “hey Bob? Your daughter sent an email…did you get it?)
Me: “No, uh, wait no, no, no!”
Mom: “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
Me: “Uhh, crap, ummm…I’M GAY! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!”

Absolute silence follows until my mom calmly says: “call your brother” (my brother and I are twins) and we hang up.

Me: “Hey bro, mom told me to call you?!”
Brother: “Why?”
Me: “I don’t know. I’m freaking out. I just, ok….well….I guess I should tell you. Jonathan…I don’t know how to say this so I’ll just say it, I’m gay!”
Brother: “Oh, me too!!”
Me: “WHAT?”
Brother: “Oh yeah!! I told mom and dad like a month ago. They didn’t tell you? Whoops. My bad.”
Me: “I’ve been agonizing over this for forever and you just called them up all no stress at all and told them you’re gay?”
Brother: “Yup!”
Me: “I dislike you.”

I immediately call my mom back.

Mom: “Hey sweetie, did you talk to your brother?”
Me: “Yes!”
Mom: “Ok great! So when do I get to meet your girlfriend? Bring her for brunch this weekend!”