The word loss holds a lot of pain for a lot of people. Loss typically comes with pain, and pain is soon to be followed up by anger. The stages of grief can tear us down no matter what side of the battlefield you’re on.
Peace out, ghost, throw shade, walk away, sprint away, scream away. You name it. No matter which way people decided to leave it’s typically followed by a deep wound.
So this is my vulnerability tonight. This is exactly how I feel right at this moment. This is my shitty first draft. These are all of the thoughts I have surrounding a feeling I’m so fucking sick of feeling.
I have a hard time having friends. Point blank, having any sort of real friend is difficult. Between the amount of friends who set expectations I can’t meet, or the ones you want more when I don’t, I continually have to go through the rollercoaster that is losing people. Honestly at this point, it’s sad to say, but I’m getting pretty good at it. That callus has built up over the years, so when someone I thought had my back always says peace out, I feel a different kind of heart break. It’s like I step outside of my own body and witness the feat like a battle that’s played out in front of my eyes—neither on the winning nor losing side. Through the loss of friends I feel a deep vulnerability. It makes it that much harder to open up to the next. To remain authentic. To be honest in saying that we would not have ever been good together. We would have fought and bickered our way to hatred. So the next time someone draws a line. The next time someone is honest in the fact that they can’t have more than friendship with you, listen. Please listen. (Still) love always, @breepear
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