Being Me

Being Me
Name:Jesika Johnson

Hi, my name is Jesika. I go by they/them and I am almost 23 years old. I grew up in Provo, Utah. While growing up I was forced to attend the LDS church, at that time I didn’t know who I was, so I followed the crowd I was surrounded with. When I was 11 & 12 years old I reconstructed both of my ankles. That’s when my depression started. At that time in my life I was playing any sport that you could think of. Softball, basketball, you name it. All of that got ripped out of my hands at 11 years old.

Going through high school I was the social outcast. I didn’t have a specific friend group. I jumped from group to group and picking up whatever they thought was cool. Soon, after I graduated high school I was lost and confused, which I think happens to everyone. Since growing up LDS, we were taught that man and woman should marry, I WAS TERRIFIED OF THAT, because I knew that I liked girls and I would marry one someday. In 2015, I came out as a lesbian to my mom. She was nothing but supportive, and I love her for that.

Soon after, I got into a toxic relationship, and my mental health went even further. I started drinking alcohol, smoking a lot of pot, taking adderall, and pain pills. A few years later, I got into another toxic relationship. I started to self harm because I didn’t want to feel my emotions in a healthy way. By the end of that relationship, I had severe suicidal ideations. I ended up going to a treatment center in 2018 that is LGBTQ+ friendly, for mental health. That was the hardest thing I had to do, along that road of healing I ended up finding out that I am an addict. I became addicted to toxic love, alcohol, pot, pain pills, and self harm.

Today, I can proudly say that I have 2 years sober from everything I put through my body. I have a fiancé who is beautiful, and pushes me to become better. My road has been rocky, but I wouldn’t be where I am at today if that didn’t happen to me.

I love seeing the ONLY HUMAN on my tank. Every time I look down at it, it reminds me that everyone is human and they are going through their own struggles, battles, hardships, curiosity, confusion, loneliness. But at the end of the day, when I lay my head down we are all human and the best thing that we can do for ourselves is to wake up being grateful the next morning.

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