2005: I was a sophomore in college when I met a girl that changed my entire perspective on everything. I was from a city in the middle of Wisconsin where anything LGBT was barely a whisper, and to be honest it was more LGB. Long before going to college, I knew that I wasn’t like many of my friends, but didn’t know (or didn’t want to admit) the truth. I waited for almost six months before telling anyone in my family. My sister found out via Facebook and had a page long email of questions. She was pretty excited to say she had a lesbian sister.
Instead of dropping the “Les-bomb” I told my parents I was Bi, but currently had a girlfriend, whom they’d met a few times. My dad asked questions to better understand (he’s always been open minded) and my mom stayed silent, then cried. Then said she hoped I wasn’t thinking she’d tell anyone (not so open-minded). Eventually she did tell people and it was their acceptance that helped her to accept me. She spent a few of the following years pointing out men and asking if I was attracted to them in hopes that I’d “grow out” of dating women. I mean, I can always appreciate a good looking person, but I certainly wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship with a cisgender* man. (*I had no idea what “cisgender” meant at the time).
I spent nearly a decade trying to fit into a mold within that part of the community; what “type” of lesbian was I? How was I supposed to dress? What type of women did I want to date? I was so caught up in trying to define myself within that community that it wasn’t until I let go and really listened to myself that I realized that I was not a lesbian.
It wasn’t until 2009/10 when I saw a video on YouTube of a transgender man talking about his journey, that a wall shattered within me and the brightest light came through. I had finally figured it out. Again, I was not ready to make that jump. I did not take any steps towards my true self until after I moved to Los Angeles in 2012. Once I started accepting my true self, life starting going in the best direction. My sister did not fully understand at first. She thought people should accept themselves as they are, but once she came around she demanded I not choose a stupid name. I’d already had it picked out. Thanks to one of my favorite shows, Veronica Mars, I knew I was to be Logan for the rest of my life. *Sister approved*
On November 14, 2014, I had my first shot of Testosterone. After that I knew there was no going back. Again, I did not tell my parents right away. My future in-laws already knew having gone to visit them for Christmas that year. I waited until a few weeks before I was due to fly home in April for a family gathering to tell them that I would look a little different and perhaps sound a little different in person. My parents reaction this time was, “Yeah we had a feeling.” Apparently my subtle hints did the trick. Still my mom misgendered me for almost a year and refused to call me Logan until it was legal, but they also helped me pay for top surgery in 2016. They have really come around to being great allies for the LGBT+ community.
So, I came out twice in seven years, but the change in response gives me hope that people can learn to open their minds and their hearts if given the right opportunity.