This post is not about a horse, but I used this picture because I’m happy when I’m with him. Someone told me that sharing my story would help me bring closure within myself. When I was 16 years old I started sleeping with my 40 year old school resource officer. This went on for about a year and a half. This woman resource officer would play mind games with me make up lies about me. She had a girlfriend living with her at the time. She mostly slept with me when she was on duty.
When I was 17, I slipped up and told someone. I had to tell my story to her police department. They took her gun and the keys to her patrol car the next day. The same day she had her gun and patrol car keys taken she came to my house in her personal vehicle. She proceeded to tell me that she’s in love with me and she will marry be the day I turn 18 years old, but I had to tell her department I lied and she promised me I would not get in any trouble. Being in love with her, I believed her so I recanted my story. Two days later I was arrested for false report to a law enforcement officer. She then filed a restraining order on me calling me obsessed stating it was all in my head. Even though I can describe this woman’s home mark on her body that you can only see if she was naked.
She made me look like an idiot. She broke my heart in so many pieces I started self harming and sleeping with many different women because I was afraid of ever loving someone else. She’s still a police officer to this day. She still works around children and I beat myself for not sticking with the truth! I blame myself for my ignorance of believing she would leave another woman for me. She knew I didn’t have a mother in my life. She knew I longed to be loved and I wanted so deeply to feel what having a mother was like. I fear she will hurt other children.
Now today I’m picking up the broken pieces. I find myself wanting closure, wanting to know why? Was I not pretty enough? I loved her. I don’t even want to be with her anymore. I just want to make sense of it. I feel like I’m at a cross roads. I have no idea what I want anymore. I’ve lost so much because of her. When I was 16 I was offered a scholarship to become a police officer and I threw it all away for her to end up with nothing. I became terrified of female officers. Terrified that they will turn on me the way she did.